When I hosted my ninth birthday party at a Japanese steakhouse, we were instructed to remove our shoes prior to sitting in our little elevated wooden booth.
Also Read: The Hookup That Turned Me Off To Casual Sex FOREVER
Then we enjoyed a fiery display that dazzled the senses and whet the appetite before a positively succulent meal.
In casual sex, you should similarly check your emotions at the door. What happens next may not involve an Asian man lighting a table on fire before your eyes or flipping a shrimp tail into his breast pocket but will, if all goes well, prove equally entertaining, satisfying, and, well, hot.
If you or your partner canât ignore your feelings, reconsider the arrangement. Casual sex should be unemotional, not sociopathic. Donât hurt anyone or set yourself up to be hurtâunless, you know, masochism is your thing.
2) Be yourself, only different.
Remember how the Wedding Crashers guys made up all those bogus back-stories? They were foreign legionnaires. Then New York Yankees. Then WASPs. Take a lesson from those masters of casual sex: be yourselfâbut different.
Donât lie to your partner: âIâd like to be pimps from Oakland or cowboys from Arizona, but itâs not Halloween,â Owen Wilson said in character. But you can appear more uninhibited, mysterious, and spontaneous than usual. You have permission to adopt somewhat of a character, a romanticized or heightened or self-actualized version of yourself. Itâs like role-playing, which, it turns out, many people really like.
3) Be a gentlemanâand an animal.
Casual sex requires a delicate balance: respect and generosity and safety, coupled with unadulterated, unabashed corporeality. Youâre a gentleman and an animal, like a werewolf in a top hat.
Find your perfect combination: Youâre a (more upbeat version of) Edward Nortonâs polite narrator and, at the same time, Brad Pittâs six-pack-jacked Tyler Durden. Youâre Steve Urkel and Stefan Urquelle. Youâre Clark Kent in the streets and Superman in the sheets.
4) Control your portions.
Imagine a food pyramid, only for casual relationships. The base (reserved for grains) should be occupied by sex. When youâre having casual sex, have lots and lots of sex. Have the most sex.
At the tippy top of the pyramid (where sugars and sweets live) are whatâs to be done sparingly: Host a full-on sleepover followed by brunch the next day, a day in the park and thenâwhy not?âa romantic dinner. Thatâs the opposite of casual.
In between those extremes, youâll find activities like foreplay, showering, watching TV, talking, and preparing post-sex pastrami sandwiches. Handle non-sex, especially arrivals and departures, with self-awareness and courtesy. If youâre hosting, donât kick someone out with the brazenness of a World Cup red card; also donât force or expect someone to stay over. If youâre a guest, donât sneak out (wake me up before you go-go!), but donât overstay your welcome unless theyâre offeringâand youâre up for deli meat and spooning.
5) Pop the questions.
One-night stands, vacation sex, and whatever happened with your masseuse that one time can be anonymous, disorganized, and fleeting.
But if your arrangement appears ongoing, itâs best to establish some ground rules. Ask some or all of these questions of yourself and your partner: Is this actually casual for both of us? What happens if our feelings change? How often and when do you want this to happen? Do you expect a date beforehand? Are you cool that Iâm also seeing other people? Is this a secret from friends and coworkers? Have you been tested? Do you like it when I put it there? How does that feel? Do you mind getting on top this time? Really? Right now? In the kitchen?
6) Stare death in the face.
The moment you start having casual sex is the beginning of the end. The arrangement, while enjoyable and healthy, is transient and unsustainable. It may last for a while, but ultimately, your little microcosm is destroying itself, which, in the words of famed sex columnist Al Gore, is an inconvenient truth.
Maybe the sex will get old. Maybe youâll find someone else. Maybe youâll start to like each other. Those definite maybes mean things will change. And when they do, be honest. Say something. Donât pull a Michael Jordan and just fade away. Leave the situation gracefully and respectfully, or get left humbly and patiently. No one likes a bad breakup, especially if there was no relationship to start.
Spread the love
Tags :
Leave a Comment
Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked. *
Success! Thanks for your comment. We appreciate your response.
You might have left one of the fields blank, or be posting too quickly
All copyrights reserved Š 2020-Safest Fastest Buy And Sell @ChapChap Market
Leave a Comment
Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked. *